Chapter 1: The Funeral of Hearts

I don’t own SVM and its characters or the song The Funeral of Hearts, even though I wish I owned them both.

Please give a listen to H.I.M. (His Infernal Majesty)’s The Funeral of Hearts. If you’ve never heard it, you really must listen to it, especially when you get to that part of the story, it’ll really set the mood right!

Here’s a link to the song, it’ll open in a new window: The Funeral of Hearts

I stood bracing my arms on her kitchen sink, glaring out the window at the old forest that surrounded her house. Normally I found as much comfort in the quaint, quiet old trees that surrounded the old Stackhouse family residence as I found in the arms of the last Stackhouse that kept residence in this old farmhouse.

Tonight I found no comfort.

While I usually took great joy in anything my lover was fond of, tonight I found myself cursing everything in sight; every, single, thing, that my stubborn lover found precious.

It all reminded me of her, and at the moment, her stubbornness was claiming my last shred of patience and sanity.

“Get the hell out of my house, Eric Northman!” she yelled from behind me. “If I’m not good enough the way I am, then you can just get the hell out!” she continued in her verbal assault.

I slowly turned from her kitchen sink to cast my glare on her.

She stood in the doorway of the kitchen, returning my glare and pointing towards the door. I crossed the floor at vampire speed, to stand before her and continued to glare down at her as I asked in an icy voice, “What did you say to me?”

She never even flinched at the speed I moved in, or the tone in which I spoke. I could never decide if she was very brave when she had no fear of me like this, or if she was very obtuse. I could see her gather herself up, trying to stand taller so I wouldn’t tower over her so much. It was a wasted effort, even in her highest heels I still towered over her.

“You have your wonderful vampire hearing,” she replied back to me sarcastically, “you know damn well what I said,” she spat out at me.

I purposely tried to look even more menacing as I said, “No, you see, I must have been mistaken, because my bonded, my pledged, my wife, would never have ordered me from her home!” I had begun speaking in a controlled manner, but ended up shouting by the end. How can this woman not see what she does to me? She causes me to lose control like no other being in the world can.

“Me, handing you a knife, does not make me your wife!” she yelled back.

Wonderful, I thought to myself, now we are going backwards. A month ago I had actually gotten her to admit to me, out-loud, that she at least considered herself my wife, as far as vampires were concerned. She even joked about being Mrs. Northman, and now we are back to her disowning me as her rightful husband.

Life in the six months following her torture by those Fae bastards had finally started to normalize, at least as much as it was ever going to after something like that. The first two months had been hellacious. Though I had convinced Sookie to have a steady intake of my blood to help her healing, it still took time. The damage wrought by those damn fairies had been extensive, and even my powerful vampire blood took time to replace the flesh they took from her beautiful skin. Though my lover had always refused to let on, I knew it was quite painful for her as the flesh was growing back. The scars had mostly abated and disappeared as well, only a few of the worst remained, and even they had been greatly minimized by my blood.

The hardest part was knowing that what troubled my Sookie the most, was the one thing my blood could not cure. Darkness had entered her mind and spirit, and I once again found myself powerless to help her.

Over a thousand years I had walked this Earth, and never before I met this diminutive blonde barmaid, had I felt powerless. I had fought for my life many times yes, but never did I feel like I didn’t know what to do. Never was I without plans and schemes to get what I wanted, and I’ll admit I schemed a great deal trying to bring Sookie to my side, (not that most of them ever worked) but I had never found myself in a position where I no longer even had schemes. Never had I found myself in a position that I even cared that I couldn’t scheme and plot to keep a human safe.

Then the fairies came. Fucking fairies, they ruin everything. (Even if they do taste delicious)

I had plotted and schemed my best ploys to keep her out of de Castro’s hands, ensuring by our pledging that no vampire could ever take her from my side. I had spoken with Niall about the opposition he faced from his enemies, but he assured me that he had it handled. Even after she had been attacked by, and killed one fairy, I had let Niall continue to assure me that she would be safe. I should have listened to my instinct and forced her, kicking and screaming, to my own house where I could have ensured her safety myself.

I could have handled her anger with me better than I handled what happened to her when they took her.

The moment those fucking fairies had taken her, I had felt it. Only they had taken her through the Fae realm before taking her on to Arkansas. The moment she was gone from this realm, our bond had been cut off completely. The pain that accompanied the loss of feeling her had brought me to my knees, right in the middle of Fangtasia. There was no other explanation in my mind than that she was dead and gone. Bloody tears had sprung to my eyes at the inexplicable loss of my bonded. For the first time in over one thousand years I had felt the wetness of my own bloody sorrow.

Pam had been instantly by my side, knowing me well enough to know what had to be the cause of such great despair within me. I had felt numb as I allowed Pam to drag me to my office; I hadn’t cared whether the fangbangers or other vampires were witness to my breakdown. The loss of my bonded rendered me uncaring for anything at the moment, but Pam had known that no one could see me like that. I was truly blessed when I found and made Pam. Her loyalty was beyond compare.

Many moments passed in silence once we reached my office in the back of the club. Pam had known better than to even ask what had happened. She could feel my despair as strongly as her own. Belatedly, I looked down as we sat on the couch, and realized that Pam was holding one of my hands in her own small hands, and gently stroking it. It was such a human gesture, so foreign to the both of us, and yet in that moment, it did more for the both of us than we could have imagined.

As I looked up into Pam’s bloody eyes I realized that our little telepath had changed the both of us more than we would ever admit. As I held her bloody gaze I saw that her tears were her own, they were not only for the despair I was feeling. Even if Pam had never admitted it out-loud, I knew she was more than simply fond of my bonded, and it had nothing to do with me. From the moment Sookie saved our lives at Rhodes onward, the telepath had held a special place in my child’s heart. A place I doubt even I could touch.

I didn’t know if it was simply the fact that they were both female that allowed for camaraderie between them that I had never seen in my child, or if it was something else. My bonded drew trouble to herself like a magnet, and I was fond of telling her this, but she also had a knack for touching the hearts of the beings that were drawn to her.

Just as I was opening my mouth to tell Pam that we needed to go and hunt down whoever or whatever had killed my beloved, the bond opened.

She was alive!

The rush of feelings and emotions overwhelmed me, and I fell back against the couch. My body reacted by gasping for air, as if that would help me. Slowly I had begun to rein in the resurgence of feelings from my bonded. There actually were no emotions actively coming from her at the moment, just a lingering feeling of terror that told me she was unconscious, and likely someone had taken her against her will. The bond felt muted however. I could feel her vaguely, but I could not pinpoint her direction like I should have been able to. I could not even decipher in which direction to search for my bonded.

“WHAT, what is it Master?” Pam had asked anxiously. I could see the hope returning to her eyes as surely as it had to be in my own eyes.

“She’s alive,” I had whispered, almost fearing that if I gave voice to my greatest hope that it would be taken from me again. My mind was racing, trying to explain how the bond could have been cut, even momentarily, and then reopened, only at a muted level to where I could not track her. As my phone rang, and I saw Bill’s name appear on the screen of my phone, it hit me. “The fairies have her,” I had told Pam, despair once again tingeing my voice. I knew what they were capable of. Bill’s call only confirmed that two fairies had knocked her out, and disappeared with her.

Though it killed me to make the call, I immediately dialed Niall’s number, and demanded he appear before me at once. To his credit he did not argue, and indeed immediately appeared.

“She has been taken by Neave and Lochlan,” he said without preamble. He was in his warrior tunic and leathers, and looked as though he had battled a fair amount already. Fairy blood spattered his clothing, but at the moment it meant nothing to me. Even I had heard stories of the terror wrought by those two fairies. “You are blood bound to my great-granddaughter.” It was a statement, but I nodded anyway, waiting to see what the Fairy Prince had planned. “How strong is your bond?” he continued.

“I have never seen or heard of another bond as strong,” was my simple reply.

“It will take me time to track her. They have moved through Faery and several other realms trying to hide her trail. Neave and Lochlan are especially ruthless; I fear my granddaughter won’t be able to hold on long enough for me to find her, not without some help.” The prince sighed, and then slumped down in my chair, behind my desk. At any other time I would have been irate at this, but now I could care less. We needed to find Sookie. “You can help me buy her time, if you are willing to trust me,” the fairy continued.

My mind screamed at me to say no, never trust another, especially not a fairy. I knew in my heart I would do whatever I needed to for Sookie to be returned, but I tried to not let on to the prince with my answer. “What would I need to do?” I asked cautiously.

The prince looked up and studied me for a time. When he smiled a small wistful smile, I knew he could tell I would do whatever he asked. That knowledge alone should have terrified me, but there was no time for it. “Because your bond is already strong, I can use my own magic to make it stronger. My blood flows in Sookie’s veins, as does your own. If I take some of your blood, mix it with my own, I can then cast a spell that will deepen your connection to Sookie. You will be able to use it to share her pain and give her the strength to survive an assault by Neave and Lochlan. It may give us enough time; enough to find her,” he explained as he leaned forward and studied me intently.

I said nothing for a time, trying to study this from every angle. I was no fool, giving my blood to a fairy as powerful as Niall was more than just dangerous; any other vampire would tell me I was a fool for even considering it. A being as magical as Niall could do almost anything to me once he had a little of my blood. Blood was the very essence of a vampire’s magic.

I was no fool; I knew the prince did not care for me being bonded to his great-granddaughter. I also knew how likely it was that he had even plotted my own final death. I smiled to myself when I realized that while my being bonded to Sookie angered the prince, it was also Sookie who likely kept him from trying to kill me already. Like everyone around Sookie, not even the fairy prince wanted to risk losing her love by harming someone in her life. If I gave my blood to the prince, he could use it to hold power over me, or even send me to my final death. But if he did as he said he would, it could bring Sookie back to me.

“When do we leave?” I asked, my decision already made.

“You will stay here, with your child to watch over you, and I will take the vampire that lives next to Sookie, to bring her back.”

Absolutely not!” I shouted as I stood over the fairy and pounded my fist on my desk to make my point. “She is my bonded! I will go to her! I will not send another in my stead!

“If you want to save her life, you will have to stay here,” Niall said calmly, though tiredly. “Once I deepen the bond you will feel her pain as if it is your own, it will take all of your concentration to simply send her your strength so that she may live.”

I knew in my dead-unbeating-heart this was the only chance Sookie had, but it still stung that I would have to rely on Compton and this fairy to find her and bring her back. “How much of my blood do you need?” I asked dejectedly. I knew I would give her every ounce of strength I had, and I knew Compton was a capable fighter, who would, like me, stop at nothing to bring her back. This was the only way.

“You can’t be serious, Eric!” Pam shouted. “You can’t give this fairy that kind of power over you!”

I started to speak, but the prince signaled for me to wait and addressed Pam himself. “I would have no power over your maker, but it would change things between Sookie and yourself,” he said as he turned and looked at me. “Your bond is already permanent. But it would be strengthened to the point that I doubt either of you would ever be fit for another,” he finished sadly.

Seeing my confused look, he continued. “Even after she passes from this world you would never be able to form another bond, I doubt you would even be able to take blood from another, nor give your blood to another. Likewise, she will never be able to find peace or happiness with another. You will be eternally bound to one another, until final death claims you both. Are you willing to go through with this, to save my granddaughter?” He knew the question was unnecessary, but asked anyway.

I looked to Pam, letting her know my decision was final. “Yes,” I said simply. For Sookie I knew I would do anything. That knowledge didn’t scare me near as much as it once did.

The prince stood from behind my desk, looking it over, searching for something. He grabbed a bowl on the far corner of my desk that had been filled with paper clips, rubber bands and the like, and dumped them out onto the desk.

Without a word he made a shallow slice in his own wrist, letting blood drip into the bowl. Even now the smell of fresh fairy blood did not affect me, though I noticed Pam was barely restraining herself. The dried fairy blood on his clothing had been hard for her to ignore, but fresh from the vein might prove too much for her. She shook her head, and seemed to get control over her impulses; she nodded to me, letting me know she was alright.

When the prince had deemed enough of his blood had filled the bowl, he tore a piece of his tunic and wrapped it around the wound. He made to hand his dagger to me, but suddenly I had a better idea. Walking to the corner of my office, I found the trap in the floor, and opened it, revealing my safe. I opened it without a word and removed the ceremonial knife that had been used to both bond me and Sookie, as well as pledge us. It seemed only fitting to use it to deepen our bond.

I removed the knife from the velvet pouch, and reverently kissed the blade before slicing my own wrist and adding the blood to the bowl. The fairy raised his eyebrow in silent question to the knife, but did not voice his question, and I did not answer him.

“That’s enough,” the fairy said. He carefully picked up the bowl from the desk and held it in his hands. “You will surely save my granddaughter with this gift,” he told me respectfully, “thank you.”

He began to speak in what I assumed was a fairy dialect and I felt magic swirling around the room. Never in my thousand years had I felt magic so strong. By the look on Pam’s face, she was mesmerized by the power of the magic. The prince stopped speaking, shook his head as he came back to himself, and offered the bowl to me. “Drink,” he said.

I took the bowl from him as reverently as I handled the ceremonial dagger, but looked at him with questioning eyes. Surely he did not want me to take fairy blood and induce bloodlust while he was still in the room.

The fairy saw the question in my eyes, “By mixing our blood and magic I have recreated a portion of Sookie. You will be taking in of her essence and deepening your bond.”

I did not question it further and tipped back the bowl, drinking every drop.

Almost instantly I felt the bond deepen. I did not know it was even possible to feel another so strongly within your own body. It was as if she was within my very chest. I had traded my unbeating heart for having a piece of Sookie within me. She was awake, and the fairies were beginning to dole out pain now to my beloved.

A particularly sharp pain in my thigh brought me to my knees once again, the ceramic bowl in my hands crumbled to dust as I tried to control the pain. Already I was surprised at the pain my bonded could endure. “They have already begun to harm her, Niall!” I shouted. “Go, find her, bring her back to me,” I gasped as Pam knelt beside me. As my child, she could feel an echo of the pain Sookie and I were enduring, and I knew she would not only protect me while I was vulnerable, but do her best to help shoulder the burden of my bonded’s pain.

“They have begun sooner than I expected,” Niall said gravely. “I will find her,” he told me with determination.

The pain she was feeling shocked me and it took all of my own resolve not to cry out in pain. Niall studied me for a time, I looked down to see what he was looking at, and took in the sight of blood oozing from various places on my legs, arms, and torso. “You really do love her, don’t you?” the fairy asked me incredulously.

“With all my unbeating heart,” I told him honestly.

Niall disappeared without another word.

Hours passed, and I sent every ounce of strength I had. I had tried to send my love and assurances to Sookie through our new bond as well, but every time I did, the strength I sent lessened, and I would feel her slip further away. I strengthened my resolve and concentrated solely on making sure she lived through this ordeal. I could use our new bond to send her my love once I was assured of her survival.

Pam stayed by my side throughout, posting Clancy at the door to guard, and bringing me bottle after bottle of TrueBlood. She had wanted to bring fangbangers in, but between the state I was in and the words Niall left me with about possibly not being able to take the blood of another; I chose not to risk it. If there had been more time, Pam could have gotten bagged donor blood, but since time was short, and there was plenty of TrueBlood on hand, I made do with the synthetic substitute. Nothing had ever compared to my bonded’s blood anyway.

The toughest time had been when I felt Sookie’s resolve slip completely away. I could actually feel her hope slip away. I knew she had cried out to me through the bond, and all I had been able to do was shoulder more of her pain, and try to send her more strength, but there was so much pain. How could such a small fragile being withstand such pain? Even with my added strength it was proving too much; I felt her give up, and I knew she was asking for, and praying for death. I could have pulled back from her, I could have let her slip away, let the pain and the torture take her, let death claim her.

But I am a selfish creature.

I thought if I could only cling to life for her, long enough for Compton and Niall to find her, that I could fix her, that I could bring her back from anything.

I was wrong.

Eventually the pain subsided, and I felt her slip into unconsciousness. I knew they had found her. I let myself pull back from the bond, and felt my body begin to heal. As I drank several more bottled bloods, my phone rang. Niall called to tell me they had found my bonded, and though she was in very bad shape, they would be taking her to Dr. Ludwig’s clinic. Compton had been severally hurt during the rescue, and the prince informed me they found the witch’s Were boyfriend, barely clinging to life himself, though Niall doubted he would live.

My bonded’s body may have eventually been healed by my blood, but her mind and spirit would be much harder for me to save.

Thoughts of that night flashed through my head as I stared down at my stubborn lover.

Six months, six months had passed, but thoughts of that night would always haunt me. It had been with that in mind that I had started tonight’s discussion. I had known going into it that it would not go well, but I had hoped that she could be reasoned with. Her first instincts were always to run, and then to lash out, but my lover could normally be reasoned with. I could normally talk her through things she wanted to resist.

She had not wanted me around her at all early on after that night. She had been angry with me, angry for not coming for her, and when I had explained to her what Niall had done for us, she had been angry that I hadn’t let her die. I had reasoned with her though, made her see that I needed her, needed her alive and by my side, I had made her see that the deaths of others did not sit on her shoulders, but on the shoulders of those who took those lives.

She had not wanted us to live together, or to even come to my house either. But this too I had reasoned with her about. She had allowed me to make security changes at her place, and light-proof her bedroom so I could spend the day with her. She had even visited my house and spent many nights and days there with me.

She had fought me long and hard about being my wife, but lately she had begun to bend on the matter. I thought my dead heart would explode from my chest the first time she had coyly told me that Mrs. Northman wanted to be taken and taken now.

I had expected resistance to tonight’s discussion, but it seemed that my lover no longer wanted to be reasoned with.

“I do not now, nor will I ever, want you to turn me Eric Northman!” she shouted at me when I simply continued to stare down at her. The words stung more than I cared to admit.

Couldn’t she see how much I needed this? Six months of worrying when the next attack on my beloved would come, six months of watching helplessly when her dreams came to haunt her once again, six months of praying to every deity I had ever heard of that she would not be harmed again. I wanted her to be stronger; I wanted her to be able to protect herself against anything that might come after her. I wanted her by my side for eternity.

“How can you expect me to simply stand-by and watch you die, when I have the means to save your life?” I shouted back. Calm and rational discussion had long since gone out the window now.

“What the hell are you talking about Eric? I’m not dying, I’m perfectly fine! Why do you want me to be something else? Why can’t you just take me as I am?” she shouted while pushing on my chest. This was definitely a disadvantage of a blood bond; we felt each other’s emotions so strongly that our anger only fed the other’s anger, causing a vicious cycle, with us slowly circling the drain.

“But you are dying; every single day you are closer to death. I want you by my side. I cannot simply stand here every day and watch you die!” My hands had found their way to her shoulders to shake her lightly as I spoke, but when I got to the last line I felt her stiffen.

Looking back I could see why, her fear that I would tire of her one day and leave her was too strong. My lover had lost so many people in her life; I knew in my dead heart that this was a crucial reason to why she ran so often. It was easier to run from someone or push them away from you before they could leave you. Looking back I could see that the subject of turning her was too much for her at the time. She had lost so much control and confidence in her life, so much of it taken by Neave and Lochlan, that she was terrified of turning, terrified at the thought of giving up the last piece of control she had left in her life: just that, her life, her mortality.

I could not even later remember most of the words that had been spoken between us. Our anger ran too high, and I know I said as many hateful things to her as she said to me. I think I even threatened to drain her dry so that I could be rid of her. I know she told me she’d rather I drain her than be my child.

Our pride was too strong. As an English poet had once said, “In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes.” He was right.

“If I’m not good enough for you the way I am, then you can just get the hell out of my life Eric Northman!” she shouted with tears in her eyes and venom in her voice.

“If that’s what you want, so be it. You’ll never see me again,” I told her with as much venom in my own voice, and went out through the door.

It felt good to be back in Louisiana, back in my own area, and in my own bar. It had certainly changed over the years, but then what hadn’t in the human world? Their lives were so fleeting, but they had such great impact on the world around them. For the uncounted time I thought about the impact shehad on me. All these years later, and I couldn’t even hardly let myself think of her name, let alone speak it. The pain was still too deep, still too strong.

I knew it wasn’t only my pain, it was hers as well, but I refused to be the one to bend, be the one to seek the other out.

No, tonight I wasn’t going to think about her, at least not until I had greeted my child and caught up with her.

The night of our quarrel I had dropped everything and left. I returned to Europe, and spent some time traveling. I had left Pam in charge of my area, and reported to de Castro often. As it turned out it was advantageous to us both. Felipe had many side jobs, so to speak, that he needed someone to take care of internationally, so I was given sabbatical from my job as Area 5 Sheriff. I was still officially Sheriff, but my child filled the role for me while I was away.

More than sixty years had passed since I last set foot in Louisiana, but it felt right coming back, though a sharp pain stabbed at my chest to know that she no longer resided here. She had stayed for five years after I left that night. From what Pam told me, she became a bit of a recluse. She continued to work for the shifter, but always returned home to her empty house. After five years she sold everything and disappeared for a time. Pam had had some trouble tracking her down, but eventually followed her trail to California, where she remained to this day.

Felipe had fumed about losing her from his area, but since she was human there was nothing he could do. I’d also heard that the King of California threatened to go to the human media if de Castro did not leave her alone. The west coast vampires tended to be more progressive in their human-relations campaign, and they were thrilled to have her move to their area from what Pam told me. Pam’s reports indicated that she began working throughout the west coast for the supernatural community as a consultant. She screened humans for businesses, helped with hiring new employees, and other odd jobs with her gift.

I had waited for years for her to contact me, so sure that one day her mortality would weigh as heavily on her mind as it did on mine.

That day never came.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!” my child said, beaming at me with a genuine smile. A smile of any kind was quite rare from my child.

“And you are as well Pamela,” I replied, taking her in. She looked the same of course, but even her clothing style seemed almost unchanged in sixty years. Of course we had spoken to each other often over the phone, but I had entirely avoided coming to the United States.

We spent many hours in a booth at the back of the bar catching up. Eventually I could see the apprehension in my child’s eyes as she worked up the courage to ask me about her. It always proved to be a touchy subject between us. Pam kept in regular contact with her of course, and also kept tabs on her. At first she had given me impromptu reports on her every few months, then every few years. Now it had been almost ten years since the subject had been discussed.

“Are you going to go see her?” she questioned me.

I didn’t even try to pretend I didn’t know who we were speaking of. “Why would I?”

“I thought that was why you were back. I thought you were going to go see her before she died.”

“She’s been dying every day for over sixty years. Why would I go see her now?”

Pam actually looked confused. “But I thought that’s why you were back. I thought you had heard.”

Now I was confused. “Heard what?” I asked cautiously.

Pam almost looked fearful now, “I know you told me last time we spoke of her, to never bring her up again, so I haven’t, but when you told me you were coming back I just assumed that you’d found out from someone else that she was dying.” Pam paused and actually took a deep breath before she continued, “She has a brain tumor. She’s been in hospice care for some time now, and will likely only last a few more days,” she finished quietly all the while looking down at the table.

“Leave!” I told her harshly. I needed to be alone to absorb this.

Pam, to her credit, disappeared without another word.

So it had finally come. My bonded, my pledged, my love was dying. I felt bloody tears sting at my eyes. Only she could ever have this affect on me. She could have been by my side even now, beautiful and forever young, but she would not yield to me. My stubborn lover.

No one had ever compared to her.

As Niall had predicted I could never take blood from another, but it had mattered little anyway. No blood could compare to hers. I had lived for sixty years existing on synthetic blood, but always yearning for my bonded’s.

Why did she have to be so stubborn? All I wanted was to protect her, and keep her by my side for eternity.

I felt myself slipping further into a pit of despair. She would die soon, and I would truly be alone. For all these years I had felt her still, always faintly there within my chest. That sensation had always been there, as though I carried a part of her with me everywhere I went. Soon I would lose that part of her forever. That space in my chest would once again be only my unbeating heart.

As I lamented the immanent loss of my bonded, the chords of a song began to catch my ear. I had not heard it since I had lived here last, but it had never failed to remind me of my bonded and me. The soulful melody pulled at my heart, stabbing me with memories of her.

The Funeral of Hearts 

(Click the link to open another window and listen to the song)

Love’s the funeral of hearts
And an ode for cruelty
When angels cry blood
On flowers of evil in bloom

The funeral of hearts
And a plea for mercy
When love is a gun
Separating me from you

She was the sun
Shining upon
The tomb of your hopes and dreams so frail
He was the moon
Painting you
With its glow so vulnerable and pale

The words had been so accurate, now and then. She had awakened feelings in me I long since thought I had entombed.

Love’s the funeral of hearts
And an ode for cruelty
When angels cry blood
On flowers of evil in bloom

The funeral of hearts
And a plea for mercy
When love is a gun
Separating me from you

She was the wind, carrying in
All the troubles and fears you’ve for years tried to forget
He was the fire, restless and wild
And you were like a moth to that flame

The heretic seal beyond divine
A prayer to a god who’s deaf and blind
The last rites for souls on fire
Breathing a word to the question why

Love’s the funeral of hearts
And an ode for cruelty
When angels cry blood
On flowers of evil in bloom

The funeral of hearts
And a plea for mercy
When love is a gun
Separating me from you

Oh please end my misery now! Our Love had been the funeral of my own heart; or rather the end of that Love had been the funeral of my heart. Love! Have I finally admitted that I love her? Yes! Here at the end, I can even think the words to myself. I do love her, now and forever.

Unbidden, flashes of memories passed before my eyes, flashes of the bombing at Rhodes, being cursed by the witches, being caught by Sigebert, all of these times I could have easily died if not for her. Had she been vampire at Rhodes for instance we would likely both be dead. Even at the hands of Neave and Lochlan, I hate to admit, but with their silver tipped teeth, a vampire would have fallen much sooner, as Compton could attest.

All these years I had blamed her eventual death on her. Selfishly I pushed her away, trying to stave off the hurt her eventual death would bring. And for what? I knew in my heart that it would hurt me just as much now as if I had stayed. Why couldn’t I have accepted her as she was, like she asked, and cherished any and every moment I could have with her? Not even being a vampire could guarantee that we would have longer together than if she was human. Rhodes should have reminded me that even a vampire is susceptible to death.

We could have had years together, years worth of memories, and now my pride has cost us. To be fair it was her pride as well, but I had walked this Earth over a thousand years, I should have known better. She had always accepted all of us Supes, as we were. Why couldn’t I see that I wasn’t accepting her as she was?

As if to twist the dagger in my heart, I knew she felt my final acceptance of her and her mortality, and I felt her slip away. She had been hanging on with her last bit of strength, still filled with hope, hope that I would finally understand her, hope that I would finally see her as she is, and hope that I would finally accept all that she is. But with her went the last of my own hope.

I slumped back in the booth, and was barely aware that the sound ringing throughout the room was my own voice screaming out my pain. I was barely aware of my child’s voice ordering everyone out of the club. I was barely even aware when sometime later I stopped screaming and silence once again filled the club. My child returned wordlessly across from me and stared at me with tears in her own eyes.

“She’s gone isn’t she?” my child asked in a voice even I could barely hear.

I nodded wordlessly. What more was there to say? I loved her with all my unbeating heart and I fucked it up because of my stubborn pride?

“How can it end like this? How can our story end like this?” I pleaded. But my child had no answers for me. I wordlessly left my club and everything behind once again and stumbled into the night.


3 responses to “Chapter 1: The Funeral of Hearts

  1. Oh…..this left me in tears. All the time he wasted, that he could have enjoyed with her……if not for his stubborn pride. He should have accepted her as she was, as she did him. Great story and chapter.

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